Reflection
I have been circling a difficult space the last week or 2 and spending a little more time on introspection than is normal and maybe healthy. It started with the surprise of my usual life catching up with me here. I do not think I was running away from myself here, but as patterns of living and thinking have re-emerged since we have settled in, I have been confronted with myself. I think that is all I will say on the matter, but it prompted me to engage in a type of thought experiment or self-evaluation.
I took a few aspects of my character and tried to trace them back to my earliest recollections of where they came from. I think I did this to understand a little more about myself, and possibly to understand some of the base motivations that drive me. I will tell you that at this point in time I would discourage you from engaging in this type of exercise, but I am hopeful that it will help me in the long run.
Community
It seems our Thai community is under a lot of stress. Sister Mary is trying to recover from bronchitis, but it is proving difficult for her. As the Sisters and Antonia are taking care of her around the clock, we can clearly see the physical and emotional exhaustion creeping in. Coupled with the recent news of a few distributers closing down and it seems everyone is on edge. Perhaps this perfect ‘winter’ weather will abate soon and everyone will find their stride in the summer heat!
Retreat
Our Good Shepherd Volunteers (GSV) executive director came to visit us this week, and the timing seemed perfect. I do not think I can stress enough how good she is at her job. We have had a rapport from our earliest interviews, and its worth was apparent for the weekend. The weekend away gave us the literal and figurative distance to consider our volunteering past, present, and future.
Her refreshingly honest perspectives on our relationship, the narratives we create, our tendency toward comparison, ideas to help us design and focus what we hope to accomplish, and the foot print we leave were both necessary and guiding. We also discussed the relationships we have with our community and its members. The crux of her impact seemed to hover in the simply complicated question, “What would you regret if I told you that you were going back with me this week?”
As a bonus, we stayed at a retreat that taught us more about the local Isaan culture and fed us all of our favorite foods. And a double bonus was that she bought us Thai massages and Gouda cheese!
Final Encouragement
Well, part of me was hoping it wouldn’t happen, but I had a real emergency this week. A new patient of ours began to cough up a small amount of blood after lunch. I will not go into many details, but I quickly recognized that he was having a medical emergency.
We supported him in every way that we could for the short time it took for transportation to arrive. I later found out that he was intubated (had a breathing tube placed down his throat) almost immediately at the hospital, and he died later that night.
I can only hope that the care, encouragement, and positive intentions I shared over what were his last 2 days provided him with a small amount of comfort.
