Simple Fears

Well - sooner than the last time, but still not good. I have been wanting to get another blog out there since the last one, but between getting called-in to work on my days off (not a choice), my dad spending over a week in the hospital (he is doing great), and preparing for a baby (which could come any day), it has been hard to center my thoughts and take the time for this.

 Hidden Belly

Hidden Belly

Baby on the Way.

This is like nothing I have ever prepared for. Susan and I have prepared for a lot of challenging trips: 7 days of unsupported canoeing in Voyageurs National Park; 5 days of flooded hiking in Yosemite; 3 weeks in Europe with a Roaring 20’s party, hiking in the Alps and Pyrenees; 6 weeks of low-budget travel through Indonesia and Australia without a lot of pre-planned lodging; and our entire time in Thailand. We have been extremely fortunate and the point of this is not to brag, but to say we have pushed ourselves into some gnarly situations. I use gnarly especially for my brother Jason who loves to call me a hippie. 

None of this has prepared me to appreciate how complex and difficult the preparation to have a child is. We have been pretty relaxed, but there is so much housework, planning, anxiety, and emotional work that goes into this. We have tried to be chill (Jason) about the whole process, but there is this building need to have everything organized and controlled so that there is room for the entire universe of unknown that is about to drip into our lives. And drop into our lives at any possible moment as our medical assistant recently reminded us (which spawned an all out panic mode) when we informed her we weren’t really situated. 

And so the last 7 days have been cleaning, organizing, discarding, thinking, planning, purchasing, and putting together. We are flexible and most importantly, we tend to be on the same page. We both know how to support each other and how to weather some storms.

 Fun House?

Fun House?

Fear #1 - Danger.

As a nurse, I know too well the risks and statistics regarding child birth and the reality of the danger involved is terrifying.

 Paxtyn's Chicago Birthday Party

Paxtyn's Chicago Birthday Party

Fear #2 - Failure

My second biggest fear is that I am not going to be a good partner in helping Susan through the birthing process. We have been attending classes and learning how to try create the environment for the birth plan we envision (again it is all very flexible), but I have a ton of fear that I will fail Susan in helping her through this process. She is an amazing woman, and like our first experience doing anything, I am sure we will make mistakes and wish we had done things better. I just hope at the end of the she feels I helped her have the best experience for whatever comes our way.

Baby Shower Pinata

Fear #3 - Boredom

I won’t go into any other fears because they are probably just tedious and egotistical. About 3 weeks until induction.

I guess the last fear is that I will not have my handy-dandy, nimbly-bimbly quick reference book of tips we have talked about to deal with each stage of labor finished by the time it arrives - which could literally be tonight while Susan is sleeping!

Probably won’t talk to you all until I am tired and this baby is calling out to the heavens, but trapped in our tiny apartment!


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